Opening Lines

So I just finished my introduction to professional retail sales training course for my job, and now that I'm done, I have a workbook to go through in order to complete the course.

The course and the workbook are both teeming with valid information, but while working on the book today, I couldn't help but laugh as I was instructed to make up several different opening lines to say to customers when first meeting them in the showroom. Opening lines are supposed to be non-business related in order to strike up a conversation and build instant rapport.

Examples include:
"Hi sir, I need to ask your wife a question. In your opinion, do women prefer flowers or candy on Valentine's Day?"

"Are you in from out of town? What do you think of the traffic around these parts?"

...and other such coloquial nonsensical jargon.

I find having rehearsed opening lines to use on people an...interesting approach...but I figured I might as well have fun with it all. Here are a few I have come up with myself that I think would keep things informal and perhaps even build the relationship:

"I say, it's a little early for Halloween, don't you think?" (of course this one can only be used on someone wearing a Halloween mask/costume on any day other than Halloween, because if it were Halloween, they'd be right on time).

"I say, it's a bit peculiar to wear a Halloween mask while trying to buy a luxury automobile." (to a person wearing a Halloween mask on Halloween).

"Look out, that's glass, not air" (to a person who accidentally walks into one of the glass walls in the store).

"Did you see that episode of 24 last night? Jack Bauer is one bad mother f$#*er, eh? Eh? Eh?"

"Did you see the Rangers game last night? Yeah me neither, in fact, I'm sure no one did."

"Well hello sir, say, you look familiar, like I've seen you in a picture on a nightstand before..."

Me: "Hi, I'm an aspiring (insert famous profession of choice), you wouldn't happen to be a talent agent, would you?"
Customer: "No, but I know a guy I could set you up with."
Me: (sigh) "You know...a guy."

"Hey, I think I saw you out last night. Yeah, no, it was you...you were wearing a pink skirt mini thing and you were drinking a vodka tonic and you smelled like Juniper leaves, and....yeah, oh no, I wasn't...I mean, I think maybe my friend told me he saw a girl who, from what he described, might have been your sister...er...so do you have a trade in?"

"Did you see the season finale of LOST? Yeah I know, f#*k that show, right?"

"I used to be on steriods but I quit. You're pretty fit, you know where I might be able to get some more?"

"Hi there, can I get you a coffee? No, you're fine? Ok great. Well in that case, I'll just be over here with the cool customers who are drinking coffee. I guess you can look around for a while if you want, I'll only be a few minutes with these cool folks over here."

"Hi, is there anything I can help you find? Oh no wait, s#*t, I wasn't supposed to open with that...it could really hurt my chances at establishing legitimate person to person contact with you and building a rapport in which I can later exploit to my advantage. Is there any way we could back this up and start over, maybe strike all that from the record, you know, like they say in TV shows where they're in court and they say, 'Jury please disregard that', even though that's practically impossible because the jury and everyone else has already heard it, so there's no way they can completely disregard it...except maybe you actually just really completely disregard everything up until.....now..................................Hi there, welcome, can I get your coat? Oh, it is summer, well, I'm glad you're not wearing a coat then, that would be retarted. Oh, your son is mentally challenged. Well I do apologize, can I get you a cold drink then, perhaps we can bridge all the shortcomings of this initial meeting with a free, tasty beverage."

Of course this was all just in good fun. Come see me, and I'll be sure to have an opening line just for you!